So what was my Dad like?

My Dad was not a very assertive type of person.  He was much more mellow than that.  Seems funny for a man who spent 20 years in the Army.  A career that spanned three Wars.  He never seemed to be very forceful or aggressive.  Probably  passive-aggressive, which everyone thinks of as a lack of bravery.  I don't think it was lack of bravery, just a sense of self that told him what was the best way to get through life.

Dad seemed to be the most comfortable when he was in situations where he understood what was required of him.  That is probably why he fit in so well in the Army.  The open communication of expectations would have helped him to understand what he was supposed to do, and when he was supposed to do it.  The rules of behaviour were quite obvious.

I believe that it was this way with his relationship with my Mother.  She was quite the opposite of my Dad.  She was quite assertive, aggressive would be the better way to say it, and sometimes forceful to extremes.  She dominated my Dad.  I think he tolerated it because it allowed him to be comfortable with his daily existence.  I am sure that if he was not comfortable with it, he would have let us know in some way.

An example my parents relationship comes to mind.  That of a woman and horse plowing a field.  Him, the horse, providing the brute strength to break the ground.  She, seeing the greater goal, providing the direction and purpose to achieve it.  Both contributing their best to reach the goal.  Each in their own way taking care of the other, neither superior or inferior, just striving together to get through another day.

That is what my Dad was like.  A loving, caring man that allowed his wife to set the family goals, and worked with her to achieve them.

I hope you understand.  He had his weaknesses and strengths, just as we all have them.  He got up every morning to face another day.  I think that is the best way to remember him.